


A numbing sleep, dizzyness upon waking up, vaguely threatening.

by kimbureh



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Angst, Character Study, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2020-12-30 20:57:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21146525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimbureh/pseuds/kimbureh
Summary: change is hard, for Railroad spies and Institute Coursers alike.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is my playground, anything can happen. we'll see.

He didn’t know what it was like until it finally happened. Never would he have thought he’d one day look at a Courser, notice the small scars on his rich black skin, his high cheekbones and curved lips, and think,  _ he has a pretty face _ .

It’s been three months and seven days exactly since Nate and him stood atop a far too tall skyscraper when the button was pushed and the Institute was gone one moment to the next. It took a load from Deacon’s shoulders, from everyone in the Railroad, really, they felt invincible and victorious for the first time in…, well, it was a novelty. After a few weeks the remaining Institute resistance was fought down. A couple more weeks later, every synth who wanted to had gotten a memory wipe and a ticket to Capital Wasteland. After so many years of hardship and grief, the Railroad’s purpose was finally fulfilled.

It left Deacon empty.

It was then when he noticed the last remnant of the late Institute. X6 lived amongst the settlers in Sanctuary Hills, but that was not actually the truth. He wasn’t part of the community, his presence merely tolerated. And he didn’t live amongst the settlers, he was taking refuge in the abandoned vault up the hill that once housed inhabitants that should create and shape his very existence. Nobody knew what he was doing down there, and neither did anybody dare to ask. Occasionally, he would surface like a stranded seashell until the ocean swallowed it again.

Deacon had watched several waves like this roll ashore, over, from his old sniper’s nest hidden behind the treeline. That day, the vault’s entry platform ascended once again with a figure wholly clad in black, but this time already turned in his direction. With fluid motions like a creek inevitably flowing downhill, X6 set straight towards his hideout.

Deacon took a last drag from his cigarette, put it out on the wooden plank of the shed and resisted the urge to light the next one right away. The Courser’s shadow seemed to tower over him even though he stopped in ample distance.

“I do not like being watched.” He spoke with a smooth, decisive voice.

Deacon nodded, appreciating the courtesy of a fair warning. “Yeah,” he said, “old habits die hard, don’t they?”


	2. Chapter 2

He didn’t say no; that was the first surprise. The second surprise revealed itself right the same day only a few hours later, when X6 took off his glasses after a long night of travel, unseen (it wasn’t), then put them back on his face just when the morning sun came crawling over the hills.

_ Oh no _ .

The realization was instantaneous.

_ His eyes are pretty _ .

-

They rested in a concrete hut, set foot outside again short before dusk. With the night, the shadow travelling along his side breathed more freely again, moved more naturally, and became more dangerous too.

“Why did you come with?” He asked on the third day.

There was no answer, and Deacon understood. With the Institute gone, the Commonwealth lacked pivot.

-

The landscape changed, only their pace didn’t. Up the steep hills, X6 was carrying the device, not slowing down for miles. 

Stronger, faster, better in every conceivable way.

From the way he kept pushing forward, Deacon could tell X6 not only carried a supercomputer on his back, but also the twelve storey deep vault situated under Sanctuary.

He possessed the strength to accomplish that task, as much as the weakness that forced him to do it.

“I hate the sky.” Is what he told Deacon when they delivered the device. It was a rare moment of self-revelation.

“I know.” He said, “me too.”

-

It wasn’t until weeks later they met again, and when Deacon returned, he not only appreciated the dark (he always had), but even so the clouds, the rain and the thunder that trapped him inside.

No place safer from the unrest of the surface world than a vault twelve storeys deep underground, embraced by his shadow that completed him.

“Why did you come here?” X6 asked between breaths.

Deacon’s lips parted, voicing a silence X6 understood.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deacon's past

_ ‘I forgive you.’ _

The surface of the lake was silver and smooth like a mirror. Wind had stopped to exist. The sun was bright and warm, he hated the light.

Only moments ago, blood had been spilled. From the house, along the flower garden, through the rows of corn, to this patch of soil. His arms crusted with her spilled life, the world grew cold.

He buried her under her favorite tree by the lake, now dark and ruffled by a breeze telling of the storm on the horizon.

By the time the Railroad found him, he was already used to the feeling of other people’s blood drying on his skin. 

The warmth of her embrace was the first thing to go with the passing years. Next were her freckles and smile. With Switchboard, he lost the sound of her voice.

Whenever he dreamed of her, she was too far away. 

_ ‘I forgive you.’ _

Her words sounded more and more like one of those lies he told people to get whatever he wanted. 

One day, there was only silence from horizon to horizon.

Barbara was gone.

Even thinking her name felt like blasphemy.

Finally, a truth surfaced he had always known.

_ ‘I won’t forgive you.’ _

The light blinded him, and there was blood drying on his skin.

His own. 

He thought of the house, the lake and the tree.

_ “I won’t forgive you.” _

Darkness was blocking the sun.

“Stay with me, or I won’t forgive you.”

A shadow enfolding him, protecting him, saving him. 

The memory of her voice returned, and he said to the shadow,

“I forgive you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this can be about Deacon and X6, if you will, or it can be about Deacon reconciliating with himself, or anything you like.


End file.
